


All For The Love Of You (And Your Musk)

by ImpalaBaby (VintageJacqui)



Category: J2 - Fandom, Supernatural RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-21
Updated: 2015-01-13
Packaged: 2018-01-09 11:33:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1145474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VintageJacqui/pseuds/ImpalaBaby
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jensen may or may not have a thing for sweaty Jared. He also may or may not be hopelessly and cluelessly in love with him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Oh so I want to lick your armpit? That's new.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [merakieros](https://archiveofourown.org/users/merakieros/gifts).



Jensen's not a kinky guy. He likes sex as much as the next man, yes, but nothing really 'kinky' has ever interested him. He's not vanilla, but nipple clamps and handcuffs just aren't for him.

He supposes that's why he's so taken aback when he discovers, completely by accident, that he's full of total bullshit.

The scene they're filming keeps going wrong. First it's a fuck up with the lighting, then one of the extras looks directly at the camera, and then it's because it starts to rain, which is bad seeing as the takes beforehand had shown Dean and Sam outside in the full sun.

Jensen is about ready to ask for a break so he can get back into Dean's head when Jared barrels over to him and claps him on the back with his big paw.

"Seriously, if I'd have known I would'a been running up and down this street so goddamn much I would have stayed in bed this morning."

Jensen knows this isn't true, Jared wouldn't miss waking up at the ass crack of dawn to work out and spend some time with his dogs for any amount of extra sleep, but he knows what he's getting at.

"Yeah, man, sucks to be you, and once again it sucks even more to be Sam." Jensen grinned wolfishly. Because of the million retakes, Jared - Sam - had needed to sprint down the street towards the Impala, where his brother was waiting impatiently, well, a million times. It started out funny, but after a while even Jared was getting bored with it.

"I'm sweating so bad," Jared continued, pulling the layers of plaid as far away from his chest as they would stretch.

"Nothing new there then," Jensen replied. He ducked his head into the Impala and popped the glovebox, grabbing a cloth that was stashed in there next to a half eaten bag of gummy worms and a purple toothbrush. "Here, lemme sort you out."

So, here's the thing. Jensen did this a lot. Jared sweated. At conventions. At home. Visiting each other's families. In the fucking winter. Sitting on the couch. Walking to the fridge. It was just part of being Jared. He sweated. And Jensen always wiped Jared down with something when he did. Nothing was ever weird about it, at least not between the two of them, and if people talked behind their backs then that wasn't really news. It didn't matter to them so no one else's opinion mattered.

Jensen swiped the cloth over Jared's forehead and then down the his cheeks and around the back of his neck. Sweat clung to his flushed pink skin and a sweet, not unpleasant smell was in the air around his body. Jensen bit down on his bottom lip and stared down at the wet hollow of Jared's throat, just peeking out through the open collar of his shirt.

He really wanted to taste.

"Uh, you're all done, man... b-better get back on your mark," Jensen mumbled as he tossed the cloth onto the passenger seat and turned away. 

'Are you alright?" Jared sounded so suddenly concerned that Jensen forced himself to get it together and turned back with a wry smile.

"Just overcome by your stench," he chuckled, praying that Jared didn't notice how hard he was trying to hide the shake in his voice. "Go on, get out of here, Padalecki. On your marks, get set..."

"Oh, fuck you, Ackles," Jared interrupted, beaming and pushing at Jensen's shoulder before jogging back down the street to do another take.

Jensen watched him go and knew that he was royally fucked. He couldn't be thinking things like... that. Jared was his best friend, nothing more, and besides he wasn't into guys. Not that he'd never not found another man attractive, he's not blind or a homophobe, but he'd never had a strong enough attraction to actually do anything about it. It's never been an issue.

Until now.

At the sound of his name being called to indicate the start of the next take, Jensen blinked out of his thoughts and retreated into Dean, using him as a shield of sorts, someone to protect him from the epic freak out that was brewing in his gut. He had to just get through the next few hours and then get some sleep, forget about the weird thing that had thrown him so badly. He could do that. It was just a fluke, right? 

Jensen squared his shoulders and leaned against the impala.

Jared was running towards him, the take was going perfectly, but even Dean couldn't explain away why the crotch of Jensen's jeans felt tighter than usual.

***

"Jensen?"

"Yeah, come in, man." Jensen poked his head out of the bathroom and smiled at Misha. It bugged him that he was sort of relieved that it wasn't Jared. Since his weird, sweaty revelation a few days ago Jensen had stupidly been trying to keep his distance from him, but that was only making things worse. Missing Jared was a physical pain. "Won't be a minute."

He heard Misha humming a tune in the living room of his trailer while he washed his hands. A few times, Jensen had caught Misha looking at Jared in a way that could only be described as confused, but Misha was in his own world most of the time so Jensen had always shrugged it off. He was still pretty new to the show so it figured he would take a little time to gel with the more established cast and crew.

"Hey. What's up?" 

"I need your opinion," Misha said, sitting down on the couch and leaning back. Jensen joined him.

"On?" 

"Jared actually."

"Um, what about him." Shit, shit, shit, Jensen thought. He knows.

"It's his birthday on Friday and I got a gift for him, but I've only just become friends with you guys, and I now feel like the gift might be too forward."

"Forward? You're not proposing are you?" Jensen laughed even though his heartbeat was thudding in his ears.

"No," Misha said, laughing along. "It's a photograph of him with Sadie and Harley. He'd been talking about it so passionately that I thought it would be nice to surprise him. I had it framed."

Jensen sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. 

"That sounds great, Mish. He'll love it. You know how much he loves his pups. That's a really thoughtful gift."

"Oh good, thanks." Misha looked light a weight had been lifted off his shoulders and Jensen relaxed.

"Don't mention it."

They sat in a comfortable quiet for a few minutes. Jensen checking his phone and Misha seemingly happy to look out of the window.

"Can I make an observation?"

Jensen raised his eyes, shutting his phone slowly. "Yeah."

"Thank you. I've noticed some tension between you and Jared recently and I just wanted to let you know that you can talk to me about it if you want to. I understand that you would usually talk to Jared in a situation like this, but obviously..."

"Woah, woah,woah," Jensen interrupted, lifting his hands to get Misha to shut up. "There's been no tension."

Misha frowned and put his hand on Jensen's arm.

"Just remember that I'm here if you ever decide that you need to talk."

Jensen would have spluttered out some sort of rebuttal, but before he could open his mouth the door to the trailer burst open and a half naked Jared ran in.

"Jen!" Jared stopped short and stared. "Oh, sorry."

"I was just on my way home," Misha said, sounding nonchalant. "Good run, Jared?"

"Huh?" Jared looked down at himself and then back at Misha. "Yeah, I'm sweating like a pig on a spit though and I've locked myself out of my trailer. I was just coming here to steal a towel."

"You know where they are," Jensen said, quickly averting his eyes. He couldn't look at Jared in that state.

"Thanks," Jared said. "Bye, Misha."

Jared swept into the bathroom and Misha walked to the door.

"Remember what I said, Jensen. See you at the party on Friday."

Jensen swallowed and stood up too quickly, making his head spin. He really needed a beer.

"Can't think where I put my keys," Jared said as he came out of the bathroom. A used towel was slung over one shoulder, but a second wave of sweat was already forming on Jared's skin.

"Mystery," Jensen mumbled from behind the fridge door.

"Jen, what's wrong? Have I..? I've done something to upset you haven't I?"

Jensen closed the fridge and shook his head.

"What? No, of course not. What makes you think that?"

Jared shrugged and dipped his head. "You've been different around me for ages. We're together more than you're with anyone else so it's got to be something I've done. You've been avoiding me too, but that's only been the last few days."

Jensen felt a blush burning his cheeks. Fuck.

"I'm sorry, for whatever it is."

"Jay, no, shit... It isn't anything like that. I've just..." Jensen didn't want to lie, but he hadn't even begun to deal with the fact that maybe, just maybe, he had a crush on Jared and so it was a necessary evil. "I thought I was getting the flu and I didn't want to pass it on. You know you catch everything I get and you always get it worse."

Jared didn't answer for a second, his brow lined in thought, but then he grinned and reached out for Jensen, pulling him into a tight hug.

"You're an idiot," Jared said against Jensen's ear. "You should have just told me you were sick. I would have put a bell around your neck and stayed at least ten foot away. There wasn't any need for you to become a recluse."

Jensen exhaled the breath he'd been holding since Jared walked in and reluctantly put his hand, palm flat, against Jared's broad back. It was hot and wet and Jensen wanted to dig his fingers into the solid muscle. When he breathed in again he was overwhelmed by the sharp tang of sweat, the kind that was sweeter than normal perspiration because it was from hard exercise, and Jensen let his eyes slide closed. He was so turned on that he almost didn't hear Jared's next words.

"Is that why Misha was in here?"

"Um, yeah," Jensen answered, pressing his cheek against Jared's damp neck briefly before stepping back. "He was just asking how I was. He guessed I was a bit under the weather."

"But you're feeling better now, aren't you?"

"Yeah, it never really developed into anything. I just felt a little run down. I'm sorry if you thought I was pissed at you."

Jared smiled, his dimples hollowing out his cheeks. "I'm just glad you're not sick, Jen. We're good. I'm going to get the hounds and I'll meet you at the car in ten, ok. Can you believe we have two days off?"

"I know. Birthday celebrations start today, huh?"

"You bet," Jared grinned. "Don't be long. I'm starving and I want pizza."

Jared patted Jensen on the shoulder and left, throwing the towel down onto the counter by the door on his way out. Jensen bit his lip and picked it up gingerly, looking around him cautiously. When he held it to his face, he knew that what he was feeling was more than a crush. His lust for Jared, yes he could admit that it was lust, and his tantalising musk was getting out of control.

This had to stop before Jared actually did get hurt.

Jensen breathed in one more time and then tossed the towel into the bathroom. That was his final indulgence. 

It was over.


	2. So maybe I like you more than I thought? I'm slow on the uptake.

It was not over.

Jensen tried to forget about it, but a Pandora's box had burst open inside his head and apparently all that was inside the fucking thing was Jared, Jared, Jared.

When they got home they ordered pizza, Jared let the dogs out back, Jensen looked for a film for them to watch, all normal, everyday things. So what Jensen couldn't understand was why the damp curls of hair behind Jared's ears was so fascinating all of a sudden? And why did he find himself looking more at Jared's profile instead of John McClaine?

"Man, Die Hard with a Vengence is awesome."

Jensen was vaguely aware that Jared was speaking to him, but all he can muster is a nod of agreement. He picks up a cold slice of meat feast and chews on it absently.

Would it be so bad if he were attracted to Jared? He's not hurting anyone as long as he keeps it to himself, right? Crushes come and go and Jensen bets that in a few weeks he'll be laughing about this - laughing in his head not out loud, of course, that would make him look crazy.

"Jen?" Jared's voice is soft, right next to Jensen's unsuspecting ear, and before he has time to get away Jared's hand is spread out over Jensen's forehead. "You don't feel hot, but you still don't look right to me. Are you sure you're better?"

Trying not to choke on the pizza crust lodged in his throat Jensen makes a valiant attempt to act normal.

"I'm fine. Just tired."

Jared's hand is still there. Jensen can feel the heat of it and, fuck, one touch should not be getting him so riled up. He ducks his head away and the contact is broken.

"Honestly, I'm fine, Jay."

He doesn't think Jared looks convinced. In fact, he looks all pouty and very much _un_ convinced. Jensen needs to distract him from any thoughts that may lead Jared on the right path to discover that his best friend is having hot flushes about him.

"So, um... Misha was telling me about your birthday present earlier. I think I've got competition in the awesome present giver league."

Jared's lips curl up and just like that he's smiling. Dimples adding a childish innocence to him. Jensen's always loved that about Jared. The way his emotions are plain and simple and written right there on his face. It's an admirable quality, one that Jensen doesn't have, because it can get you hurt easier than if you guard yourself behind a mask like he does. Jared has never put on a mask, but he's been hurt too many times too, so Jensen figures he's entitled to feel the fierce protectiveness over Jared that makes people uncomfortable.

"Aw, no one can take your crown," Jared said, still smiling.

"I dunno, it's a damn good present." Jensen stretches on the couch and hears his back crack.

"Old man," Jared sniggered.

"Yeah, yeah... You want another beer?"

Jensen's already halfway to the kitchen before Jared answers with a 'yes'.

The fridge door is satisfyingly cool when Jensen presses his forehead against it. He's half hard and freaked out. Misha was right, it was a situation like this that he would go straight to Jared, but not this time.

In the living room, Jensen can hear Jared's laughter and familiar commentary on the film they must have watched twenty times at least. Instead of comforting him like it should, the sound left Jensen cold.

"Jen, grab some chips, would ya?"

"Yeah," Jensen called back wearily. He took the drinks and a bag of Jared's favourite snack and headed back into the living room.

"You know, I'm actually kinda beat so I think I'm going to go to bed," Jensen said, giving Jared his drink and throwing the chips onto the couch next to his knee.

"Oh, right, sure... Night then."

Jensen shuffled his feet, digging his toes into the plush carpet and drinking his beer too quickly.

Maybe he should come clean, tell Jared what he's been feeling... whatever the hell that was? Jared wouldn't be mad, Jensen knew him well enough to be sure of that, but he just didn't know if the look of rejection in Jared's eyes would be something that he could stand.

"You got any plans for tomorrow, uh, before the party," Jared said, interrupting Jensen's thoughts.

"Uh, no, was just gonna sleep in and then slob around here."

"Want to come out with me and the pups instead? I found this awesome country walk, man. Only about an hours drive from here and there's an awesome shack restaurant at the end that sell these hotdogs, Jensen, they're so... what's the best word to describe them?" Jared tapped his chin with his fingertips.

"Awesome?" Jensen smiled at his friend.

"Yes," Jared laughed, "totally awesome. What do you say? I promise to let you sleep in till at least ten."

Jensen crossed his arms and snorted. "Make it eleven and you've got a deal."

Jared grinned. "Fine, I'll let your lazy ass stew in bed till eleven."

He couldn't help but grin back. "You really are too kind."

"Don't make me pull the "but it's my birthday" card, dude, cause I will. Think of the awesome hotdogs, Jensen! The hotdogs!"

Ducking the potato chip that Jared lobbed at his forehead, Jensen lifted his hands in surrender and laughed.

"I said I'd go, didn't I? You'd better have coffee ready for me in the morning, bitch."

"Extra strong, jerk. You'll need it."

Jensen turned to leave, shaking his head.

"Hey, Jen?" Jared's voice was so sleepy soft and it made Jensen shiver.

"Yeah?"

"Thanks."

"What for?" Jensen said, rubbing at the sudden goosebumps prickling at his arms.

"Just for putting up with me, I guess." Jared shrugged and shuffled around on the couch until he was facing Jensen. "I appreciate everything you do for me. I dunno, I just want you to know that the last three and a half years have been the best of my life and a lot of that is because of you. You're my best friend."

If there hadn't been a fist sized lump in Jensen's throat right then, then maybe he would have answered instead of making a choking noise and blushing like a beetroot.

"Go to bed, Jen. I'll wake you tomorrow."

With that, Jared turned away and started munching on chips and watching Die Hard again.

Jensen stood there, unsure why Jared had suddenly said those things, or what he could say now that the moment was clearly over.

Retreat was something he could do though, so he backed out of the room as quickly as he could without looking like he was freaking out.

"Night, Jay," Jensen whispered and walked to his bedroom in a daze.

***

_Sharp teeth bit and pulled at his nipples while long fingers teased the delicate skin of his inner thighs._

_Jensen moaned and arched up, warm and safe in the sleek strength of Jared's arms._

_"I want you," Jared said between firm kisses to Jensen's chest and neck. "I want you."_

_Jared was slick with sweat, hair damp and darker than usual, and Jensen couldn't stop flicking his tongue out to catch wayward drops, moaning deeply in his throat at the sharp salty taste of it._

_A hand is on his cock, rough and tender at the same time, stroking with a sexy confidence that made Jensen's toes actually curl at the feel of it._

Pounding, pounding, pounding.

"Rise and shine! Get your lazy ass up!"

Jared pounding on his bedroom door ripped Jensen out of his dream. He was damp under the covers and his erection throbbed almost painfully against the groove of his hipbone.

"Yeah... I'm up.... Just gonna get changed," Jensen said loudly so that Jared could hear him through the door and wouldn't be tempted to come in.

"Coffee is on and it's my birthday so get up and shower me with good wishes! And presents!"

"Yeah, yeah, birthday boy. Five minutes, ok."

Jensen slid his hand under the waistband of his pajama bottoms and took himself in a tight grip. He was damn close already, the dream still a tangible image behind his eyelids, Jared's words alive in his ears.

"Fine, but I'll be back to get you if I don't hear your grumpy footsteps in five minutes." Jared laughed as he walked down the hallway and away from Jensen's door.

Jensen bit his lip hard. Somewhere in the back of his mind he knew that this wasn't the first time he'd dreamed of Jared, but now he was allowing himself to acknowledge it fully. He was attracted to his friend. Seriously attracted to him.

"Oh, fuck," Jensen moaned, stroking his cock roughly. His balls felt tight and a few more twists of his wrist had him arching off the bed.

"Fuck!" Jensen came hard, like he hadn't in months, and he felt as if his breath had been punched out of his lungs. His stomach muscles were clenching and his jaw ached from keeping Jared's name from spilling out of his mouth.

Breathing heavily, Jensen turned his face into the pillow. He didn't know what he was going to do about this.

But, one thing was for sure. He was locking his bedroom door and taking a shower before going out to face Jared. No way was he going downstairs stinking of come. Screw Jared and his five minutes. Even if it is his birthday.

 


	3. Jared loves hotdogs. Jensen loves Jared.

The hike to Marco’s Hotdogs was long and mostly uphill.

Jensen kind of wants to kill Jared.

"Trust me, Jen. Once you taste one of these bad boys you’ll soon forget about scowling at me."

Jared sat down, straddling the bench where Jensen had been catching his breath for what felt like forever and reaches over to pass him the biggest hotdog Jensen’s ever seen.

It’s covered in ketchup, stringy cheese and fried onions, but no mustard. Exactly how he likes it. Jensen sometimes worries that Jared knows him better than he knows himself.

"Eat up," Jared said, his voice muted by the mashed up food in his mouth.

"I’m just figuring out where to start. This thing is a monster." Jensen chuckled, but does as he’s told and digs in. The hotdog is piping hot and spicy, the toppings on the right side of gluttonous and the bun is soft and not too heavy. "Mm, wow… good hotdog, man."

Jared's dimples come out and he nods enthusiastically. His cheeks are flushed and his skin is dewy with sweat from the hike up there. Jared is at his best when he’s outdoors. It’s like he’s part of the world, a wonder of nature like an iceberg or a looming volcano. Jensen smiles and sips on his cold glass of iced water. 

"So," Jared said, wiping his lips with the back of his hand. 

"So, what?" Jensen takes another bite of his hotdog and observes his friend curiously. He can already tell that there’s a conversation brewing and he really, really doesn’t want Jared digging around in his head right now.

"Soooo," Jared repeated himself, the word long and probing. "Apart from the awesome cupcakes, which I totally know are from you by the way, what did you get me for my birthday?"

Jensen breathes a sigh of relief. He was sure that Jared would want to talk about their weird ‘thing’ the night before, but it looks like Jared hasn’t thought about it since then and Jensen is more than happy to do the same. He still doesn’t really know what caused Jared to say the things he did. Jensen knows that Jared appreciates his friendship, but the way he acted last night was... off. There's something Jensen isn't seeing. An itch at the back of his mind. Jared is always open with him, but he can't pinpoint what's going on and it's making him anxious. 

"How did you know the cupcakes were from me? Don’t tell me they put my name on the box because I know I told them not to," Jensen replied, pushing down the feeling that something else is going on here and he's missing it. 

Jared grins and shakes his head like he always does when Jensen gets uptight about things.

"They didn’t. I just know you’re the only person with enough clout to get a bakery in Texas who don’t deliver out of state to send me my favourite cupcakes. In Canada."

"Oh." Jensen fights a blush and starts rubbing the back of his neck. It feels burnt and not just from the sun.

"What did you say to them to get them to agree? Not the old "don’t you know who I am" line? Please, Jen, tell me you didn’t go all Hollywood on me?"

Jensen tsks and arches an eyebrow. “I just asked nicely. Said I’d pay the air mail costs and… maybe mention the bakery my next interview.”  
Jensen watches as Jared smiles and tips his head back, closing his eyes against the sharp glare of light, but soaking up the warmth of it’s source. He doesn’t fully know the effect he has on people lucky enough to be near him. Jensen’s never met a single person who hasn’t been charmed by his best friend. He lives and breathes kindness. He’s goofy and funny, but can be fiercely loyal and protective of those he loves. It’s intoxicating, the sheer power that Jared has, and it’s dawning on Jensen that he’s got no hope of fighting it.

"They are the best cupcakes in Texas," Jared sighed happily, opening his eyes to look at Jensen again. "Thanks, man."

"You’re easily pleased, Jay, always have been. It’s kinda sad," Jensen replied. Straightening his back, Jensen rubs his neck again, the ever rising sun taking it’s toll on his fair skin. "And what makes you think they weren’t your only present?"

Tapping the table with his fingers, Jared slouched forward, resting his elbows on the wood. Jensen looks away from the bulge of Jared’s biceps and licks his lips, feeling edgy.

"I know you better than anyone, dude. That evil twinkle in your eye always gives you away."

Jensen throws his napkin across the table, hitting Jared in the chest. Of course he’s got Jared another gift, but after Misha’s idea, he’s having doubts about it now. It seems too sentimental. Too obvious. Even though he did get it before he realised just how deep his feelings for Jared went.

"You’ll get it later."

"Awesome." Jared beamed and threw the napkin back. "Hey, Jen?"

"Yep," Jensen said, pushing his sunglasses over his ears. They’ll have to go soon if they want to be back in time for the party.

"About last night." Jensen tenses up and holds his breath. Jared looks awkward now, so different than the carefree birthday boy he’d been just a second ago. "I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable."

"What?" Jensen’s genuinely confused. "You didn’t."

"Oh, I just… I thought I did."

"Jared, I told you, I was just tired. Honestly, I wasn’t uncomfortable."

Jared nods, like he’s considering it, then stands up abruptly.

"Good, alright then. Well, I meant it anyway." He reaches out and pulls Jensen to his feet by the neck of his T-shirt before slinging an arm over his shoulders and laughing. "You’re the best friend a man could have. BFF’s forever."

Jensen squirms and laughs along, rolling his eyes. It’s almost real, but the sting of Jared’s words hits him hard. Friends is all they’ll ever be. Jensen knows what that’s worth and he’s grateful for it, but he can’t help but want more.

"You are such an idiot." He slaps Jared’s chest, right above his heart, and frees himself from his friends hold. "Let’s get going or you’ll be late for your own shindig."

Jared looks down at his feet and kicks the dirt.

"What’s up?" Jensen slides his shades up onto the top of his head so he can see Jared better.  
"Nothing."

"Jay?" Jensen uses the tone of voice that means that he’s not going to drop it until Jared spills whatever is bothering him.

"I’m not really in the mood for a party. Can’t we go somewhere instead? We could go bowling?" 

"Bowling? Dude, the party’s all organised and shit. People are travelling to be here."

"I know, but this is fun, just us. We’re always surrounded by people and I’m not in the mood today."

Jensen is confused, but he’s also tempted. He’d love to spend the day hanging out with Jared with no one else trying to steal his attention. 

"I dunno, Jay. It’d piss everyone off, but it’s your birthday. Do whatever you want, I guess."

Maybe Jensen’s lack of enthusiasm puts Jared off, because he chuckles a little and smiles, embarrassment clearly written on his face.

"Nah, you’re right. Let’s start walking before the sun gets too high and you start looking like a lobster."

Jared whistles to get the dogs attention and they leave the restaurant behind them.

If Jared is strangely quiet on the walk home, that’s just coincidence. Right?

***

"Misha! You're here," Jared slurred, opening the door and pulling Misha inside. He had a purple party hat on and a pink lei around his neck.

"Yes. I'm sorry for being late."

"You're here now, right, that's all that matters. Come in. Come in."

"Where's Jensen?"

Misha frowns when Jared just shrugs.

"He was here a minute ago. Maybe he went to get a beer?"

"Hmm," Misha mumbled. "I wanted him to see you open my gift, but, here..." Misha handed Jared a brightly coloured box with a bright green bow on the top. "Happy birthday!"

"Thanks, Mish," Jared beamed, pulling Misha into a tight hug and slapping his back.

Ripping open the paper, Jared unwrapped the tissue covering a sleek, black photo frame.

"Misha, this is great! Aw, we all look so happy. Look at Harley slobbering all over me. Thanks, man." Jared hugged Misha again and then pulled back, one hand still on Misha's shoulder. "Is this a joint present?"

"No, it's just from me," Misha replied. "Why?"

"Jen took this didn't he?" Jared said, his fingers absently touching the glass covering his smiling face. "I thought that was why you wanted him to see me open it."

When Jared looked up from the present in his hand, Misha was giving him an odd look.

"What?"

"Hmm, oh nothing, I just figured something out is all. The present is just from me. I made a copy of the photo that Jensen's got in his trailer."

"Oh yeah? It's a great photo. Did Jen see this?"

Misha smiled and shook his head. "No, but I told him about it. You should go find him."

Jared looked down at the photo again. "Yeah, I will."

"Jared, are you ok? You seem a little distracted."

"I, uh... No, I'm good. I'm fine." Jared smiled widely to prove this. "I'm fine."

"Ok, well, you can talk to me if you need to or if you can't talk to, um, anyone else about anything bothering you." Meaning Jensen. Misha made that quite clear.

"I dunno what you mean, but thanks I guess. You want a beer? I'll go get you one, and you need a party hat too and I'll, um, I'll be right back."

Jared turned around, probably a little too quickly considering how the room tilted. He needed to see Jensen, had to talk to him. God, he'd been so blind. 

When he reached the kitchen, ignoring everyone who tried to stop him with their greetings, he saw that Jensen had gone out into the back yard. That was perfect. Jared didn't want prying ears to hear what he was going to say.

"Jensen," he called, stepping out onto the deck and shutting the sliding door behind him. "Why you out here?"

Jensen rolled his shoulders back and folded his arms over his chest. "Just getting some air. How about you? Shouldn't you have your face in a birthday cake or do something?" Jensen laughed, but to Jared's ears there was no truth in it.

"Jensen, I wanted to show you this." Jared held out the frame and Jensen glanced at it quickly. Damn he loved that photo. He remembered the day he took it like it was yesterday. Jared had dragged him to the beach on a rare warm day in March and they'd walked for miles, talking and laughing and throwing tennis balls for the dogs. Jensen moaned when sea water soaked through his converse and Jared had made fun of him whilst waggling his bare toes in the sand. Jensen had taken the photo when Jared hadn't been looking and looking at it now reminded him of how perfectly happy he'd been that day.

"You liked Misha's present then?" Jensen unfolded his arms and put them in his pocket. 

"You're in love with him, aren't you?"

"Excuse me?" Jensen's eyes widened, but Jared barrelled on.

"I interrupted you both the other day. I thought you were sitting a bit close and now I know why. You we're telling him! And now Misha's asking me if I'm ok and if I need to talk and it's because he doesn't love you like you want him too and this photo is his way of making it ok again between you! I can't believe you didn't tell me."

"Jared, you're making absolutely no sense. How much have you had to drink?"

"Don't interrupt." Jared was sweating now, his cheeks were pink and his hands kept flapping about. "That's why you were avoiding me! You were never sick. You just didn't trust me enough to tell me!"

"Jared, shut up would you? This is all total bullshit. I am not in love with Misha. Jesus fucking Christ!"

"This is... This is... And just when I... Oh my god." Jared bent over and put his hands on his knees. Jensen was next to him in a second, his hand rubbing up and down his spine.

"Take some deep breaths," Jensen said. "That's it. Calm down."

After a minute or so, Jared stood up and stepped away, flinching away from Jensen like he'd never done before. Not ever.

"Jared, please, what you're saying... It isn't true, ok? I don't love Misha," Jensen laughed. "How the hell did you come up with that?"

"I saw how you looked when I walked in on you both and then the photo! He knows that what I think means a lot to you, so by giving me this he was making sure I knew that he knew that! God, Jen, why didn't you tell me? I can't... I can't deal with this..."

Jared started to back away.

"Jared, wait..."

"I can't! I have to go."

Jensen stepped in between Jared and the door, blocking the exit.

"Why? What's going on with you?"

Jared shook his head as Jensen closed in on him, concern and fear in his bright green eyes.

"I can't... Not now..."

"Jared, please, I'm telling you the truth. Tell me why you're so freaked out."

"I love you," Jared said suddenly, grabbing Jensen's arms with shaking hands. "I'm sorry." 

And then Jared kissed him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So not happy with this chapter :( I've changed it so many times and it's just turned out like this. I dunno, I don't think it works right.


	4. Hmm drunk and confused. Jensen is only one of these things.

Jensen is weak. And an asshole.

He should not be kissing Jared back right now. Shouldn't be clawing at his best friends biceps like a fucking dog on heat. But he is.

Jared's got his big hands on Jensen's cheeks, thumbs dragging over the flushed skin of his cheekbones, pressing him further against the door. Their tongues touch, gentle at first and then with more force. Jared tastes like tequila. Jensen doesn't remember seeing Jared drink any tequila tonight, but it's not like he's got much blood supplying that part of his body at this moment in time. Not with Jared's hands sliding down his sides, fingers resting in the small of his back. God, it feels good. 

It's when Jared moans that Jensen's brain reminds him about the fact that he's a weak asshole and that he should not be letting his very drunk best friend kiss the living day lights out of him.

"Jared... Jared, stop..." Jensen tries to move his head back so that Jared can't keep dragging his teeth over Jensen's bottom lip, but a dunk Jared appears to be a determined Jared too. 

"Want you," Jared replied, voice wrecked with lust, gazing at Jensen with unfocused eyes. "Jen..."

When he tries to kiss him again, Jensen ends up pushing Jared off of him by the shoulders. He does it harder than intended and Jared stumbles back, long legs wobbling. It would be hilarious if it weren't for the look of hurt and then shame that flashes over Jared's face.

"Oh, shit." Jared put his hands over his mouth, covering his kiss pink lips that Jensen gave him. "I'm sorry, I..."

"Jared..." Jensen began, but then he's falling, the door behind him suddenly and very inconsiderably gone, and the next thing he knows he's looking up at Chad Michael Fucking Murray and he's almost positive he's broken his tailbone.

"Um, yeah, hey... I thought I'd better come and get my boy, here," Chad said, grinning down at Jensen and then nodding in Jared's direction.

He's not your boy, Jensen thinks, but now isn't really the time to start anything with Chad. 

"Do I have you to thank for getting him this drunk?" Jensen stands up and resists the urge to rub his ass, instead stalking over to Jared who is looking a weird shade of green and trying to crawl into a bush.

"Dude, chill out, it's his birthday," Chad huffs, watching them both with amusement. "He try to jump you or something?"

Jensen cringes, but doesn't stop helping Jared stand up straight again.

"Oh, fuck me. He did didn't he? Finally strapped on a pair of big, gay balls and told you he's in love with you? Fuck me, I never thought he'd do it."

"Will you get out of the way? Party's over," Jensen growled, dragging Jared forward and trying to ignore Chad laughing at him. He just needs to get Jared through the house and into bed so he can sleep, whatever this is, off.

"Jen, I'm sorry," Jared mumbled drowsily, hot breath tickling the hair behind Jensen's ear. "Don't be mad."

"I'm not mad, Jay." 

Jensen is far from mad. Confused, yes. Afraid, definitely. Hopeful... maybe. He'd never even entertained the idea that Jared might feel anything but brotherly love towards him. Hell, he's only just realised his own feelings for the big dork. This was all just happening so fast.

As Jensen guides Jared towards the stairs, he spots Misha, looking very intensely at a platter of cheese. When he spots the boys approaching, his face morphs from happy to concerned in a fraction of a second.

"Is he alright?" Misha ducks his head to try to look into Jared's eyes, but they're hidden by his hair.

"Um, he's had a bit too much to drink." Jensen felt Jared sway next to him so he hauls him closer. "Mish, can you do me a favour and, um, get everyone to start heading home?"

Misha pat Jensen on the arm and nodded. "No problem, my friend."

"Thanks, man."

Jared groans suddenly, dropping his forehead to Jensen's shoulder. "I've done something bad to Misha, too. I'm such a fucking idiot."

Jensen rolls his eyes at Misha who gave an understanding nod and turned away, diplomatically starting to tell the guests that the night was ending a little earlier than anticipated.

"Come on, big guy, let's get you upstairs before you hurl on me."

Jared doesn't reply other than giving an incoherent mumble. He still sounds so sad though. Hurt sad, like only Jared feels. Jensen both loves and hates how totally awful Jared feels when he thinks he's done something to hurt someone else. Even if it's unintentional, Jared takes the guilt so badly.

They make it to the bottom of the stairs unscathed, but looking at the steepness of the steps makes Jensen pause. His room is only down one flight of stairs, whereas Jared's is up what might as well be a million, and judging by the way Jared is slumping further and further into Jensen, it won't be long until he falls over.

Bad decision it may be, but Jensen turns them and heads down to his own bedroom, keeping a firm hand around Jared's waist. It's a little disturbing that Jared's gone quiet on him. The boy is a rambler when he's drunk and Jensen has the video evidence to prove it. Jensen just hopes that he'll be willing to talk once he's slept and gotten through what is guaranteed to be an epic hangover.

Thankfully, Jensen's door is ajar when they finally make it down the stairs and all he has to do is kick it lightly for it to swing open.

Jared shuffles towards the bed, dislodging himself from Jensen's hold and flops down on the bed, trying his best to hide his face in the pillow.

Jensen watches him, wanting to do something, help Jared in some way, but he feels stupidly helpless. He always knows what to do to cheer Jared up, but right now he's the cause of Jared's misery.

After standing for a minute, frozen to the spot, Jensen realises he's staring and shakes himself to snap out of it. He walks to the bed and takes Jared's boots off, dumping them on the floor with a dull thump. Jensen considers trying to pull the duvet from under Jared's body, but decides on throwing a blanket over him instead.

"Jensen?" Jared's voice is soft, like he's on the brink of sleep. Jensen moves closer, pausing at the side of the bed.

"I'm here, Jay. Get some sleep."

"Are you gonna leave?" Jared's hand clenches into a fist in the blanket Jensen draped over him.

"No... No, I won't leave. I'll be right upstairs, ok?"

"Can you... Stay."

Jensen grits his teeth together. He shouldn't stay. Not when they're both feeling so unsure about where they stand now.

"Please, Jen," Jared sighs.

"Yeah, alright." 

Jensen toes off his boots and hesitates. He really can't stand sleeping in his clothes. Jared has pretty much passed out and Jensen figures he's not going to get much sleep either way so he might as well be comfortable. He strips of his shirt and jeans and then climbs onto the bed next to Jared, reaching over to steal one half of the blanket.

Curling on his side, Jensen turns away from Jared. He wants to feel Jared's warmth next to him. He wants so badly it hurts.

Squeezing his eyes shut, Jensen prays for at least a little sleep. He's got a feeling he's going to need it for what he's got to face in the morning.


End file.
